This morning sometime in the middle of my U.S. history class, I got an email with about the best news I could hope for. It was an email from Mrs. and Mr. Polocka, telling me that I am going to stay with them during my first months in Germany. When I opened the email and skimmed through it, my heart almost skipped a beat. I simply saw the word Berlin and I almost gasped. I’m so excited that I have the opportunity to go to the capital of the country I am going to. I don’t really know how to explain how I feel now though. Part of me is satisfied because I know where I am going specifically and I am in contact with the people I am staying with. Another part of me is far more nervous though. The enormity of my exchange feels much more real now than it did when I learned I was accepted or that I was going to Germany. I feel like I am not ready and I honestly feel afraid. I am afraid to leave home. I’m afraid that somehow something will go wrong. I feel like I’m missing something somehow as well. Maybe I’m just giddy from finding out today but I can’t shake this feeling that I am not prepared. I’m afraid that I won’t make friends or that I will be excluded. I feel like an intruder into someplace I shouldn’t be in. I’m excited as well, though I can articulate that even less well than my nervousness and anxiety.
I know I haven’t been writing that much lately but I will write more now that I know my host family and city.